REESELAW BLOG

Virginia law provides detailed statutory guidance for child custody determinations in divorce proceedings. In determining the best interests of a child for custody or visitation purposes, Virginia courts must consider multiple factors including the relationship between each parent and child, the needs of the child, any history of family abuse, and the propensity of each parent to actively support the child's contact and relationship with the other parent.

The available Virginia statutory and case law does not establish specific legal criteria, however there are common factors which have been categorized as being related to high conflict personalities in the mental health and legal worlds. 

One prominent educator and speaker on this topic is Bill Eddy, mental health professional and lawyer, who recently spoke at the Association of Family and Conciliatory Courts conference in San Francisco. I have had the pleasure of being in his audience numerous times over the last ten years. 

It takes two reasonable people to settle a case.  People requiring judicial intervention and considered high conflict often:

Take no responsibility for their own behavior and blame others;Use a “my way or the highway” approach – they are unable to see other options or points of compromise;Have intense and controlling emotions that are unmanageable, even if unrealistic or based on falsehoods;Exhibit extreme behavior like large impractical purchases and reckless behavior which may include harm to self or others; Make threats which are unrealistic – whether they are actual threats (illegal acts) or wholly unrealistic (such as putting themselves in the role of judge and decreeing a result that is not consistent with the facts);Target others and apply bullying, intimidation, and disrespect for authority figures such as police, magistrates and court personnel;Are controlled by their emotions, which drive their behaviors; and have poor self-reflection skills.Recurring features in cases include a party who wants to control or have the court control the other person’s behavior to bring them in line with the high conflict party’s thinking of the “right way” or “right result.” They often harbor resentments towards others and are poor at letting go of perceived past slights, including the other person having a more successful career or a close relationship with the parties’ children. 

These positional mindsets can often bleed onto the children when the high conflict party works to influence a child to share their negative opinions about the other party, even though the child is not having a negative experience with the other parent.

In parenting, a high conflict person may support children keeping secrets from or lying to the other parent, causing internal conflict for the children.

To those close to a high conflict person, they often see two faces: 

How the person behaves within the confines of the family relationship and home and how they portray themselves to others. Without awareness, they use controlling language and seek domination, issuing orders that must be followed to avoid their wrath. This is especially difficult for the other parent who may be trying to teach the child respect for authority figures and is trying to help them navigate the world they are in. 

High conflict parents often use poor, self-serving behaviors to meet their need to create havoc as a means of gaining control. This can include innocent looking activities such as picking up the children from school when it is not their day (and hiding the children from the other parent). They enjoy creating chaos, which is very confusing and destabilizing for children, and enjoy instilling fear as one of their “super powers”. This type of behavior often causes the children to cleave toward the stable parent, which then angers the high conflict parent who then creates more havoc – getting them further from having a good relationship with their children.

The statutory framework for child custody determinations in Virginia includes consideration of circumstances that often characterize contentious divorces, such as a parent's failure to support the child's relationship with the other parent.  This includes situations where a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the children. Virginia law also specifically addresses serious misconduct that may occur in highly contentious cases, including any history of "family abuse," "sexual abuse," "child abuse," or "an act of violence, force, or threat."

Furthermore, Virginia law recognizes the need for enforcement mechanisms in cases where parties fail to comply with court orders, granting courts "continuing authority and jurisdiction to make any additional orders necessary to effectuate and enforce" custody and visitation orders, including the authority to punish contempt of court. This means that some divorce cases require ongoing judicial intervention due to non-compliance issues.

We are familiar with high conflict family law dynamics at ReeseLaw, P.C. If you have a high conflict situation to discuss, please contact us for a consultation to learn more.  

ReeseLaw, P.C., provides comprehensive counsel and skilled representation in all aspects of family law, including evaluative consults, divorce, second-parent adoptions, child custody and support, post-decree modifications, and prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. The firm’s experienced attorneys tailor strategies to meet the unique needs of each client, whether through litigation or alternative dispute resolution methods. Recognized for their expertise, they also serve as mediators and facilitators in collaborative divorce proceedings, fostering an environment that prioritizes amicable solutions and long-term harmony. With a commitment to professionalism and compassion, the practice strives to guide individuals through challenging transitions with both clarity and care.