When a family goes through a divorce, the change will always be a challenge. However, some adult relationships end with intense, long-lasting emotional, financial, and even physical disputes. These are referred to as “high conflict divorce,” and they can occur in a marital relationship as well as when unmarried parents end their relationship. There is no doubt that children experiencing these contentious transitions are likely to experience trauma. In addition, adults engaged in a high-conflict divorce often put their children in the middle of disputes. Throughout lengthy litigation, frequent court appearances, and a lack of cooperation, parents put their children through the wringer, which can have lasting effects on their well-being.
There are several indicators that a divorce may be classified as high conflict. These indicators include:
When children are involved, high-conflict divorce can also include:
Children exposed to constant parental conflict may experience anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues. They may feel torn between their parents, leading to loyalty conflicts and guilt. Chronic stress from a high-conflict environment can impact a child's cognitive development and academic performance. In their key formative years, the experience of a high-conflict divorce can lead to life-long problems brought on by trauma due to their parents’ behavior.
In the midst of a high-conflict divorce, it can be difficult for children to feel any sense of normalcy in their lives. Chaotic physical custody schedules and other uncertainties are exacerbated when parents cannot collaborate. Added to the change in relationships, the disruption of routines can be highly distressing for children. To the extent that each parent can establish routines in their household, they can offer children some stability. Regular meal times, bedtimes, and activities can help children feel more secure and reduce anxiety.
Parents can attempt to lessen trauma through family therapy. This is a therapeutic relationship that includes one or both parents and the children. Family therapy can provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and concerns. It allows them to process the emotional turmoil they might be experiencing and helps parents learn effective communication and conflict-resolution skills. Family therapy can foster stability and support, which is essential for children's emotional well-being during a high-conflict divorce.
In high-conflict situations, traditional co-parenting with frequent and direct parental communication may not be feasible. Parallel parenting minimizes direct contact and instead relies on structured communication methods, such as email or shared calendars, to coordinate activities and schedules. There are multiple apps and other technologies to help facilitate parallel parenting. Certain apps also maintain records to help minimize ambiguity about what parents have discussed. This approach allows parents to disengage from conflict, reduces stress for the children, and allows each parent to maintain a stable environment in their respective households.
Parenting coordinators are neutral third parties who help act as a buffer between parents during and after a divorce. They can be assigned through a court order or hired if the parents can reach an agreement on this issue. Parenting coordinators help develop parenting plans, resolve conflicts, and ensure that the children's best interests receive top priority. They facilitate communication between parents, helping to reduce tension and create a more stable environment for the children. Parenting coordinators provide a forum to discuss functioning and disputes to minimize conflict at the forefront.
Involve a family law attorney specializing in high-conflict divorce to ensure they provide guidance on legal matters and help develop strategies tailored to the specific dynamics of the case. Issues of custody and support, as well as explicit court orders regarding the best interests of the children, require an experienced attorney who understands the many options and limits that can help protect children from the conflict occurring between the parents. An experienced family law attorney can help minimize the chaos that often arises in a high-conflict divorce and help the family navigate the conflict.
For over 20 years, ReeseLaw, P.C., has represented parties in high-conflict divorce and custody disputes. Contact us to set up a consultation.
Evening and weekend appointments are available under certain circumstances.
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